Again We Rise

So, another near fail at uni. Pretty sure I've failed my topic -'Anthropology of Crime and Violence', and I barely passed my Criminology essay. So now, to be honest, feeling like shit.

Pretty sure I'm going to quit my cleaning job. I can't keep scraping by at uni like this. i take my study really seriously, and here i am just epically flunking out. FML. Far out, doing well at uni is really important to me, doing well in life is what keeps me sane, keeps me fighting.

But hey. This week has been good. So first off I had this Formal that i've been all excited about, My date looked really good (the cutie he is), and his friends were really nice to me. Basically it was a good night. Hilarious moment of the night as follows:

Drunk friends (and for purpose of this blog, named R): "You know B! I knew what you looked like before you came to the formal..."

Me: 'Really R? Facebook stalking me were you? :P"

R: "Nahhh! A (formal date) told me that his girlfriend... *awkward giggle* OMG! I didn't mean that, Don't tell A! Promise, I made a mistake... *B nods* Okay, A said that his formal partner was called Bianca Jones and to check out your pictures on facebook"

Me: "So you stalked my photos?"

R: "Yeah"

A: "R??!! Are you down there?"

R: "Omg! Don't hurt me! I didn't mean to tell her, I promise"

A: **confused look**

Me: Dieing of laughter!

hilarious slip of the tongue right there

So yeah That night was sweet, then I also GOT MY 4TH DAN! HELL YEAHH! :P

Then Friday night I went to a friends 21st, which was good fun. So all in all not a bad week. Turning 19 this week! :)

i've been worried about a friend for the past couple of months. Couldn't find her anywhere. was calling every day, texting, facebooking. but she was nowhere. i contacted her mum, got the right number and continued calling every day. until today. she finally texted me. and i finally found her. thank fucking god! Only took a couple of months!

I've also been talking heaps to another friend. he's been having heaps of girl issues. like every girl he's liked has just taken him for a ride, and it's shit cos he deserves so much better. he's one of the most beautiful guys i have ever met, and girls just totally use and abuse him. and then, whats worse, is that you try and be there for him. you try and be the support he needs to get through, and you think he's understanding. but the more and more you tell him, the more and more you trust him. the more and more i back away, and worry that he'll just be another guy, like all the others who use and abuse me. when i know him really well. i know what he's thinking, i know what he wants, what he likes, what he dreams for but i'm too bloody scared to tell him what i want. what i like, what i dream for. i can fucking tell this blog, which he could be reading, but i can't just tell him. it's stupid. i know he wont use and abuse me. he knows what thats like, i know he wont just take what i say and throw it in the mud. stomp all over it as if it means nothing to him. gosh, he listens to me, he seems to value my feedback, my comments. he values me.

as long as i don't fall for him

i don't need that. i dont need a crush. fuck i want a boyfriend. i want someone there for me. but i don't need one. i dont need the drama. the fall out. the loss. the depression cycles. the shit that comes with every guy. fuck that.

can't stand to be alone...