Like I'm not feeling down or anything mildly depressed like I usually do
It’s more that I can’t seem to do anything right
I’m over $1,000 in debt, and I have no means to make up the difference.
I would get another job, just for a few months to help me sort it out, but I just honestly don’t have the time to. And I can’t afford to let uni slip again.
They’re already threatening to kick me out…
Another job will just add more pressure.
So then I ask maccas for more shifts,
But I don’t honestly know when I could fit that in either
I need sleep
A social life
I can never seem to get ahead
Have money and not constantly have so many outgoings.
I spend more than I earn
But I don’t own much
I don’t know what I do
Sabotage things?
But it’s not only money
I just can’t be bothered with anything anymore
I’m just working and doing uni
And then cos I feel so empty I see Andrew
Who lightens my day
My life
Everything
I shouldn’t be relying on him to be my helping hand
I should be able to do it myself
And just enjoy his company
I just feel like a burden to all those who I talk to
It’s not fair on them
I’m horrible company
Tired
Poor
And I can’t seem to see anything but the negative in most situations
I try and see the positive, but that shouldn’t be a struggle.
Whets mostly confusing is that I’m not feeling depressed, or even down
In fact I’m feeling really happy
I guess its best when I don’t think
When I don’t delve into the strange negativity that is in my head
And instead just enjoy the life I live
The life I keep
And the joy I feel day to day
So here I am
Pressing the off button to my brain
Merely looking at the things that make me happy
Smiling at pictures
Looking forward to seeing you tonight
And writing my essays
I think of the fact we’re finally hitting 3 months on Sunday
And that I’m buying you a present (and paying America $10 for losing that bet ;) )
The fact that this is the best relationship I’ve had
That I’m not behind in uni (yet) but actually ahead
That I have a job
A car
A supportive family and an amazing best friend
That I can afford to slowly pay my debt
That this month will be ultra tight
And next month too
But that I should be back on my feet by June
Back to having money in my account
In my savings.
In fact. By July it’ll be nearly 6 months
Uni exams will be over (my work should have paid off)
I’ll be turning 20, you 21.
Maybe I’ll be heading to Malaysia for Taekwondo
And maybe everything will be back on the straight and narrow
So no more complaining
Just get on with it.
xx
