So whilst i can sit there and wallow in my own grief, with my heart full of pain, and my head full of stress and a hand full of anger held in my chest and post depressing blog after depressing blog it's better if I merely describe how i'm feeling, what i'm thinking, how others help me, and pull through. :) because feeling down is all in the mind, and less in reality. dreams are what the heart wants, and what the head thinks it can't achieve. but if one puts there mind to something, they can achieve anything. anything at all.
So i was talking to D today. and he gave me some AMAZING insights that really helped me to put my head back on my shoulders, for me to straighten my back, and to look at the rest of the world, and the rest of my life here on this world with defiance and strength. to think of things with a clearer head, a stronger mindset. he showed me that i had the power to beat away all of life's 'gremlins' and bad-ness with merely one look, to ignore the pain, to bight off more than i can chew, and to chew pretty damn quickly. only diamonds are created under pressure. i might be hurting like hell. i might want the days to just end, and take me with them. i might be spending my days crying my eyes out, curled in the corner of my mum's room, whispering for her to come home and save me from myself. crying for her security. her love. crying for what others can have, what some can't. crying for things i can't change. and crying for the strength to forgive and forget. but as long as i am straight upright. as long as i stand tall with a proud head, with eyes full of passion. full of love. full of fight. i will succeed. i am the running the show. i am the one who has control over MY life. noone else can succeed for me. no matter how hard they are. Be myself as I am the most important thing in my world.
So i was talking to D today. and he gave me some AMAZING insights that really helped me to put my head back on my shoulders, for me to straighten my back, and to look at the rest of the world, and the rest of my life here on this world with defiance and strength. to think of things with a clearer head, a stronger mindset. he showed me that i had the power to beat away all of life's 'gremlins' and bad-ness with merely one look, to ignore the pain, to bight off more than i can chew, and to chew pretty damn quickly. only diamonds are created under pressure. i might be hurting like hell. i might want the days to just end, and take me with them. i might be spending my days crying my eyes out, curled in the corner of my mum's room, whispering for her to come home and save me from myself. crying for her security. her love. crying for what others can have, what some can't. crying for things i can't change. and crying for the strength to forgive and forget. but as long as i am straight upright. as long as i stand tall with a proud head, with eyes full of passion. full of love. full of fight. i will succeed. i am the running the show. i am the one who has control over MY life. noone else can succeed for me. no matter how hard they are. Be myself as I am the most important thing in my world.
whilst i may feel;
lost
alone
scared
confused
overwhelmed
exhausted with life
nothing to gain, everything to fear.
i know i have the strength to fight through it. i have my friends - no matter how few and far between. i have my family - no matter how dysfunctional and odd. i have myself - no matter how much i dislike what i see. what i see is stronger than many other girls out there. it may have limited good qualities. it does have strength.
till tomorrow. this time for real.. :P
Back to this essay (1,000 words and 15mins to go.. :S)
Love, peace and hopefully one day - happiness.
colour. beauty and joy
<3>
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