A Shot To The Stars

Annoyed.

Why does uni effect my life so much

i've got hours and hours of work

with life fitting in the gaps.

training

'Langaz' :P

friends

uni

and now.

in a split second i've gone from happy to sad

everything is taking over.

i'm too tired.

uni just go away.

maybe i should just fail?

and do it all next semester

and just do uni normally

like everyone

stop trying to push myself.

i've done that enough...

Lost In Time

Happiness hits us all in very different ways

Right now.

I'm happy running through sprinklers with you

on our cheap nights out

long walks through 'Drop Bear' infested parks

Chocolate Bavarian Cakes

Rain, Heat, Mozzies

Even just making Fried Rice and chilling with my strange as family

You help me to see my dreams are just dreams

that i'm not the only one who's scared

and that my insecurities are okay

are normal

and not something to be ashamed of.

You're strange. :P But then again so am I

So far we're working

and i'm lovin' it.

Don't even need to 'hope' we continue working

i'll make sure we do this time

cos i don't want to lose you.

that much i do know.

:)

x

Dear Mr President

I wonder how small things,

like who is in your life

or the weather

or what you have for lunch

makes such a big difference on the whole scheme of things.

How is it that one little smile

anything

can make someone feel differently

how is it that 2o11 is so much better than 2010

even though i'm struggling with money

i'm happy

why is that?

Love & Peace, or Else.

To describe how one feels
to pinpoint exactly what you're thinking
to understand what it is that you want
to understand what you need.


i never understand what i'm thinking, feeling or what i want
all i ever know is that whatever it is.
its making me unhappy
i just want it to stop
everything to stop
to be left alone
so i can curl up into my own little ball and to not think or feel anything


right now
i don't want to
right now i just want to keep living
the days end too soon
i dont want to have to say bye to you at the end of each day
i know that its not logical
but i love spending time with you
i love thinking of you
i love getting texts
facebook messages/posts/pokes
i love seeing you.


but i'm scared
to be brutally honest
i'm scared i'll stuff this one up too
i'm scared you'll start getting sick of me
i'll be too much work
too tiring
too sensitive
i'm so afraid of losing you...


great. i've just gone and blurted all this on my blog
again
sigh bianca...


But i am
i'm afraid that you'll find something better
then i wont be able to look into your eyes
or watch you smile
or hear you complain about your hair (even though it's fine)
i wont be able to enjoy all the little things i love right now
all the things that make me smile
all your little quirky things
that i love

i think i'm... (wait no, this i have to actually say to you. not allowed to find out through my blog)
thats appalling
so i'll stop talking now!

peace
x

What Lies Beneath

Chilling out in maccas
start in 15.
Oh the idea of hosting a little kids party is so not inviting.
busy week this week
but all of it revolving around one person
who i have seen alot of
but not enough.

mud monsters.
drop bears.
parks at night
and long conversations

but there is no complaints here. :P

>:( Uni assignments due tomorrow and monday
hello Deakin
hopefully i can get a lift up there tomorrow morning :
not that i REALLY want to go.
but i need to
so no complaining allowed

drinks tomorrow night
and saturday
and sunday.
work
moving house
cars

so little time
so little money
so much fun.

kinda liking life.
:O

peace

x

p.s. internet slow.
no pictures.

Lost In Time

I don't want to say too much just yet
I don't want to jinx things
But 2011 has started off really well


Spent NY day with 'Flyer' (wow, my nicknames are really starting to suck... :P)
also got to see INDIA! omg! was amazing! I haven't seen her since, well, since we were both in.. india... haha


But NY day. from the beginning

Awoke on the couch. back hates me. totally. :P
but i was smiling (what?)
i wasn't alone
there were plenty of people there


my day involved coffee, walks in parks, rain, conversation and me learning to trust
cannot speak too soon
but i'm being careful
i respect you
i kinda even sorta trust you
and you are gentle
calm
trustworthy
respectable


i don't even know what to think
you're similar to mash face
but i'm more ready this time


maybe you'll actually be alright for me
maybe this time things will actually work out
i wont fuck it all up
i wont be left, feeling like crap
you never know
there are good people out there


2010 ended shit
with a car stolen
a relationship ended
friendships rocky
self belief down the toilet
my care factor 0.


2011 has begun well
everything clean
romance
friends


lets hope i can press pause.
and live how yeaterday was
walking with you in parks, hand in hand
smiles on my face
thats all i want for now


nothing more, nothing less.


peace


x