The Messenger

i thnk about you
all day
most days
and i think i'm going crazy
i feel depressed and i remember the nice things you say
like that i'm 'beautiful
or that you care
and i start to smile

is it a problem that thinking of the fact you care keeps me waking up
you're not the only thing that makes me happy
but you are making me happy
and whilst this is definitely good
it also scares me
that i'm allowing someone to have such a manopoly over my emotions
my emotions
i don't even show emotion
let alone allow anyone to make me feel any specific way.

and yet here i am
still fighting off this ever looming haze
it's like a fight against myself, the world and everything ever
it's so tiring
i just want to sleepa dn never wake up
and then i think of what will happen if i never wake up
and i get upset that i'll never see you, and my friends and my family again
and i decide to try harder

i'll pull through
and be a happier person
i hope
i dream
i wish

and if not
then at least i'll die trying!

See you tomorrow
x