Before The Worst

I'll continue my list later...

Today i just feel like talking

about nothing

about life

about change

change is something people really struggle with

especially me

i struggle to change my views on people

i struggle to forgive

i struggle to understand

but i have made a difference in my own life

i have seen the positives

I am competing in the State champs on Sunday

not for anyone

not because i want to finally be recognised for what i can do

but because i want to

because i can

and because i deserve to prove to myself that i can do it

i can compete well

show everyone that bianca still has it

i just offered J at the Port Phillip branch of MTC some help 3 days a week

i love taekwondo

i love the kids

i love their smiles

and their hopeful looks

the way they want me to show them whats right and worng

and how i can genuinely have an effect

i recieved a late birthday present

a beautiful silver necklace

and it was the gift that meant something

not the price tag still attached ($65)

of the beauty of the necklace

or even the sentimental value

but it's that he remembered me

that i existed

for the first time in years

i've been asked to go to a presentation night at the library

for a short story competition i entered out of boredom

hoping for good news

but not worried if i don't get any

just glad i tried

feeling the most positive i have in months

years maybe

but this could just be a good moment

before i fall down again

sighh

life is so unpredictable

but at least i know that i want to be here tomorrow.