Love & Peace, or Else.

To describe how one feels
to pinpoint exactly what you're thinking
to understand what it is that you want
to understand what you need.


i never understand what i'm thinking, feeling or what i want
all i ever know is that whatever it is.
its making me unhappy
i just want it to stop
everything to stop
to be left alone
so i can curl up into my own little ball and to not think or feel anything


right now
i don't want to
right now i just want to keep living
the days end too soon
i dont want to have to say bye to you at the end of each day
i know that its not logical
but i love spending time with you
i love thinking of you
i love getting texts
facebook messages/posts/pokes
i love seeing you.


but i'm scared
to be brutally honest
i'm scared i'll stuff this one up too
i'm scared you'll start getting sick of me
i'll be too much work
too tiring
too sensitive
i'm so afraid of losing you...


great. i've just gone and blurted all this on my blog
again
sigh bianca...


But i am
i'm afraid that you'll find something better
then i wont be able to look into your eyes
or watch you smile
or hear you complain about your hair (even though it's fine)
i wont be able to enjoy all the little things i love right now
all the things that make me smile
all your little quirky things
that i love

i think i'm... (wait no, this i have to actually say to you. not allowed to find out through my blog)
thats appalling
so i'll stop talking now!

peace
x