Sleep

I want to go home

I've had enough of this now

I just want to hide out in my room

and not feel like I have to be social.

Blergh.

Bit negative today

maybe it's bedtime.

I miss you babe

xx

Love is Rare

I don't even know what I'm thinking.
Why am I planning these things?

Even if it is only my dreams
Honestly. What's wrong with me?
Sigh!

I shouldn't be planning this far ahead.
I shouldn't be wanting to do this.
I shouldn't be excited by this when it doesn't even exist yet!

Sigh Bianca,
you are seriously a case for sore eyes!

:P

x

Lost In Stereo

"And I'm just like cellophane,

Cos she see's right through me
I know she's glitter and gold
And that's just the price I pay
When I don't even know her name
She's slipping away"


All Time Low
Depressing
Good when I feel as I do


Good nights out
Fun times
Too tired to take part
Leave early
upset I miss out
but I just feel like I will bring a downer to the night
Wish I could be happy like all them



but instead I'm fighting my low's again
I WILL win this time
I'm fighting for more than just myself this time
I have too much to lose
I worked to hard to get to where I am.



I think I'm just working myself too hard
Can't wait till June is over
Savings,
Hopefully no more maccas
or at least only once a week again

back to sleep

Perhaps sleep will make a difference
Then I wont be so sensitive
Instead, I'll have control over my emotions.


Maybe
:S


Peace
Night

Emenala

Sitting in SMG's house

writing this cos i can,

and i have nothing better to do

im stressed

tired

and stressed

and worried that i scared you away

worried that with my stupid stupid actions i scared you off

and now you wont want to see me anymore

maybe that in itself is stupid

sigh

i love you

Running to Stand Still

I sort of feel like everything I do is worthless

Like I'm not feeling down or anything mildly depressed like I usually do

It’s more that I can’t seem to do anything right

I’m over $1,000 in debt, and I have no means to make up the difference.

I would get another job, just for a few months to help me sort it out, but I just honestly don’t have the time to. And I can’t afford to let uni slip again.

They’re already threatening to kick me out…

Another job will just add more pressure.

So then I ask maccas for more shifts,

But I don’t honestly know when I could fit that in either

I need sleep

A social life

I can never seem to get ahead

Have money and not constantly have so many outgoings.

I spend more than I earn

But I don’t own much

I don’t know what I do

Sabotage things?

But it’s not only money

I just can’t be bothered with anything anymore

I’m just working and doing uni

And then cos I feel so empty I see Andrew

Who lightens my day

My life

Everything

I shouldn’t be relying on him to be my helping hand

I should be able to do it myself

And just enjoy his company

I just feel like a burden to all those who I talk to

It’s not fair on them

I’m horrible company

Tired

Poor

And I can’t seem to see anything but the negative in most situations

I try and see the positive, but that shouldn’t be a struggle.

Whets mostly confusing is that I’m not feeling depressed, or even down

In fact I’m feeling really happy

I guess its best when I don’t think

When I don’t delve into the strange negativity that is in my head

And instead just enjoy the life I live

The life I keep

And the joy I feel day to day

So here I am

Pressing the off button to my brain

Merely looking at the things that make me happy

Smiling at pictures

Looking forward to seeing you tonight

And writing my essays

I think of the fact we’re finally hitting 3 months on Sunday

And that I’m buying you a present (and paying America $10 for losing that bet ;) )

The fact that this is the best relationship I’ve had

That I’m not behind in uni (yet) but actually ahead

That I have a job

A car

A supportive family and an amazing best friend

That I can afford to slowly pay my debt

That this month will be ultra tight

And next month too

But that I should be back on my feet by June

Back to having money in my account

In my savings.

In fact. By July it’ll be nearly 6 months

Uni exams will be over (my work should have paid off)

I’ll be turning 20, you 21.

Maybe I’ll be heading to Malaysia for Taekwondo

And maybe everything will be back on the straight and narrow

So no more complaining

Just get on with it.

xx

No More Sorrow

Wow.
Nothing since March 3rd.
Thats a long time for me.
Especially since I used to write like.. daily.


Been another hectic month


car accidents
debt
letter
threats
illness
no sleep


but none of it matters
all of it is minimal
i can cope with it
why?


cos im still happy
sickeningly happy


im waiting for the fall
but i dont want it to come

same as im waiting for it to end
but REALLY dont want it to


i really care about you
and im happy that i finally found you
thankyou.


<3

All is Whole

No blog for a while.

Wonder why

Cos I'm happy

Terribly happy

Sickeningly happy

I told him I'm falling in love with him the other day

Massive

But I am

And I'm proud to admit it

Life is great

Complete

And I'm happy